


no reason left

by justanothersmolfan



Series: please don't leave me [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cutting, Love, M/M, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, joshler - Freeform, self hate, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-25 20:32:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothersmolfan/pseuds/justanothersmolfan
Summary: Tyler hates himself. Everybody hates him, even his own dad. He tried to kill himself, but failed. Maybe he'll try again.But then he meets Josh. The boy with the beautiful warm eyes. The perfect white teeth. But does he hate him too? Is this just a test? Will he just humiliate Tyler like everybody else?





	1. no reason left

**Author's Note:**

> okay hey, i'm sofie and this is my first english fanfic. english is not my first language (i'm danish) so i really hope you'll forgive me if there's any mistakes.

Tyler's eyes were focused on the white, empty wall in front of him. He felt like crying, he wanted the tears to come out, but nothing came. His wrists ached, craving something sharp. But he knew he couldn't stop if he did it, but somehow he still found himself in the bathroom a few moments later.

 

The blade was still red from yesterday. He couldn't even get himself to buy some new. _Pathetic._

 

Just as he was about to cut through his already bruised wrists, his phone began buzzing from his pocket. “ **Mom** ”, his phone screamed at him. He let out a sigh, and answered the phone.

 

“Tyler baby, are you okay? You haven't answered your phone the past few days..” Tyler sighed in disappointment of himself. He always disappointed his mom, and now she just worried about him. The guilt made his chest heavy.

 

“Yeah mom, it was just dead” Tyler assured her. _Another lie._ He couldn't tell her, even if he wanted to. He knew that she would be worried sick, and then his father would be mad. Mad at Tyler for worrying his mother. So his mom didn't know about what happened last week. She didn't know what Tyler attempted to do. Tyler could feel the anxiety crippling up his chest when the thought of trying again filled his head.

 

“Okay. Just remember to eat something, okay? Go buy some food for yourself, you need it.” Tyler could hear the worry in her voice, and he nodded, forgetting she couldn't see him. He just agreed, and hung up.

 

His mom and dad would come home tomorrow, after being gone for the weekend. She had been very worried to leave him, but he just said it was fine. _Lies, lies, lies._ His father didn't really bother so say anything.

 

Tyler knew he had to leave the house, his mom would never stop worrying for him if she found out he didn't buy any food. He sighed loudly, and stood up.

 

-

 

Target’s bright white lights was overwhelming, and Tyler squinted his eyes. He silently walked over to the frozen meals section and grabbed a few boxes, full aware that he wouldn't eat any.

 

As he looked up from the freezer with some of the boxes in his hands, his eyes met two warm, brown eyes. They shined brighter than any star he had ever seen. A beautiful face stared at him. Tyler froze. Never had he ever seen such a beautiful boy. He seemed like someone on Tyler's age.

 

After staring for way too long, he gave him a tiny smile and turned away from the boy. He hurried to the cashier, paid, and ran home.

 

The warm brown eyes stood crystal clear in his memory. He prayed that he would see them again, to let them consume him, even though he knew _he didn't deserve it._

 

When he came home he just threw the boxes in the freezer, and went to his dark room. He checked the time on his phone,

 

**7:13 PM.**

 

He sighed. Still another 14 hours. He knew he couldn't sleep, he never could. Especially when the thought of starting at the new school tomorrow still filled his head.

 

He knew he wouldn't find any friends. He always pushed them away, _he always fucked up._ _No wonder his own dad hated him._ His stomach began to hurt, and Tyler released a tiny squeak. Then he cursed at himself for being so weak. The fact that his father was violent against him wasn't an excuse to be weak. _It was his own fault_. _If only he stopped being so pathetic he wouldn't even hurt him._ He didn't even have a reason to be this depressed. His own head bullied him. It bullied him it bullied him _it bullied him_ _**it bullied him**_. “Stop!” Tyler screamed, but the voices didn't listen.

 

_He didn't even have a reason to live._


	2. the brown eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii everybody. first, i want to thank you for the kudos! it might not seem like a lot, but it really means something to me that someone actually likes my story, and that is big to me. and also, this chapter is short, i know, but where just getting started.

The high pitched noise from the clock drastically woke Josh up, his hand smashing on top of it. He let out a loud sigh, before jumping out of his bed. His mom had asked him all week to buy some groceries, since she was too sick to do it herself. Josh was glad to help, he just wanted to sleep a bit longer - although it was 6 PM. Normally, he practically napped all day, but he really had to buy some food for him and his mom.

 

15 minutes later, he found himself at target. The lights there were way too bright, and he looked down. 

 

He quickly began throwing things in the cart, not even thinking about what it was - he just took what seemed useful. He also headed over to the frozen meals - just in case. 

 

Everything was normal on the grocery trip, except that it wasn't. Josh spotted a boy leaning over the freezer. His hair was dark brown. He looked sad, and.. empty? Josh tilted his head like a confused puppy. He bit his lower lip, and leaned over the freezer to take a box. The other boy flinched, and looked up, straight in Josh's eyes. The boy’s eyes were just as brown as his hair, and they looked sad and scared. 

 

Josh studies the boy’s face. He was beautiful. Just as he was about to say sorry for scaring him, the boy ran away. Was Josh that scary? He questioned himself. Not like he would be surprised, it wasn't like the other teens at the school liked him at all.

 

Josh couldn't help but look after the scared boy as he ran through the store. The confused, pink haired boy threw the box in the cart, and went home. 

 

 

“I'm home!” Josh's voice filled the quiet house, and he threw his shoes away. He ran through the living room, and made his way to his mom. She still was in her bed, just as he left her. She gave him a big ear-to-ear smile. He smiled back at her. The pink haired boy took her hand, and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

 

He knew she didn't have long, he didn't deny it. But it was just hard, hard to know that one day she would be gone. Eventually, he would have to move on, to say goodbye. He closed his eyes, which made a hot tear travel its way down his cheeks. She gave him a small smile, and tightened her grip around her son's hand. He opened his eyes and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, like i said it was short. but i really hope you like it tho. if you have any ideas for the story, feel free to comment them (can't promise i will use it, but i can try)l have a nice day!:)


	3. chapter 3 :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. first of all, thank you for the kudos and wow, over a 100 people have already read this story holy moly!! :o
> 
> i would like to say i don't want to stick with "a chapter every other day" because it really stresses me out, and i want this to be a hobby, not a job.
> 
> and, if i take longer time than usual, it will probably be a longer chapter;))  
> so yeah, either it's short chapters often or longer chapters maybe once a week? what do you think?
> 
> hope you'll enjoy this

Tyler's pillow was wet from tears. His arms and wrists bled a lot, and his hoodie was getting red. He knew his parents had come home. He was scared. Oh, he was so scared. He knew his dad would do something to him. He knew it he knew it _he_ _knew it_.

 

He couldn't even do anything about it, he was way too weak.

 

The time that night went by very slow, and there was still countless hours 'till sunrise. He didn't know if he could get himself to school the next day. Maybe he should just be fake sick, he thought, but quickly pushed it away.

His dad had the day off. He couldn't stay home, he had to go to school. _But was it better there?_ He didn't even know. They would probably all hate him from the start. He wouldn't be surprised if they did. And that was probably for the best, since he would do nothing but disappoint them. 

And, he didn't want to feel their pity if they found out about the cutting. He didn't want them to _care_. He didn't want them to get _worried_. He didn't want them to be _sorry_.

He wasn't doing it for attention. It was the only thing keeping him from killing himself, and if he stopped he wouldn't know what to do.

 

The brown, warm, mocha eyes still hadn't leat Tyler's head. He didn't really see other parts of the boy, just his eyes. And it was enough to make Tyler melt inside. But what if he went to the same school as him? Tyler didn't want him to.

 

Yes he did.

 

Nohe didn't.

 

He would just hurt him.

 _Hurt him hurt him hurt him_.

He would see his scars and he would get upset. He didn't want the brown, warm eyes to be upset. He wanted them to shine as beuatifully as they did when he saw them.

_Did he really just think that?_

 

A couple of hours before sunrise, the brown haired boy eventually fell asleep, with the brown, warm eyes still on his mind. He almost slept peacefully.

Almost.

|-/

“You better get going to school or i will kick your pathetic ass down the stairs”

Tyler woke up to the voice belonging to his angry father. “Yes dad.” He mumbled carefully.

“What?” His dad yelled. “Yes, sir. Sorry da- ..sir”

Tyler flinched as his dad smashed the door closed. Tyler whined as he threw on his red skinny jeans along with his grey hoodie.

He put his hand in his pockets to hide the scars, and carefully walked down the stairs to his parents sitting at the dinner table. Tyler's mom looked scared, and his dad angry. The boy bit his lower lip, and it began to bleed. “I'm going now..” He said  carefully. His mother gave him a tiny smile along with a nod, and hit father just ignored him. He wish his mom would support him more, stand up for him. But her priorities were clear, she didn't want to upset her husband. And Tyler understood, he really did. _Why would she protect him?_

 

As Tyler walked to school, he could feel his arms aching. His wrist felt like they were going to fall off by the smallest touch.

But Tyler simply ignored it, he didn't want to be pathetic. And technically it was his own fault. It was his hands that lead the blade over his veins. It was his blood dripping onto the floor.

Tyler pushed the thoughts away as he walked into his new school. It was very big, and a lot of kids at his age walked around with their friends. Tyler's chest burned. Friends. ‘There's no such thing.’, Tyler told himself. He knew that nobody wanted him any good, they just wanted to hurt him. They wanted him to cry, so they could laugh. They wanted to humiliate him. Tyler took his schedule from his pocket, and checked what class he was in. ‘English’, he read. ‘Room 47’. Tyler sighed, how was he ever going to find it?

He wandered around, trying to find a map. Deep down he hoped someone would help him. But he knew nobody would. That only happens in books and movies. Not in Tyler's shitty life. He immediately cursed himself as that thought crossed his mind. _How_ could he call his own life shitty, when people were literally dying, so many people suffered, and there he was whining over nothing.

 

_Pathetic pathetic pathetic._

 

Tyler's own head was frustrating him. He thoughts trapped him, telling him things that weren't true. Of course it wasn't fucking okay what his father did, he knew that deep down.

But deep down only.

Eventually Tyler found the map, and miraculously found the classroom just in time. He quickly dumped down in a seat, and half slept throughout the entire class. When the clock rang for lunch break, Tyler immediately froze in his seat. He hadn't thought about until then.

It was high school. Everybody belonged to a clique, and Tyler knew he wouldn't find anybody that matched his dark personality. But he still managed to get in the cafeteria, only to see just what he had imagined;

Everybody sat in groups, and they matched together perfectly. There was the popular kids (obvious, a bunch of kids stood beside the table trying to join their conversation), the “nerds” which Tyler didn't mean in a bad way. He would never judge anyone, because he knew how hard it hurt to be.

He took some food from the disk, and slowly scanned the hall. He walked very slowly around, trying to convince himself they weren't gonna bite. 

 

_He probably looked stupid. A stupid little boy, that was afraid of talking to people. Stupid stupid stupid._

 

"Aren't you the new kid?" Tyler froze, and searched for the person the voice came from. It belonged to a boy with a basketball shirt on, who's mouth smiled at him (only the mouth, the eyes didn't and that kinda worried Tyler). Tyler nodded slowly as he scanned the other kids at the table. Their mouths smiled too, and all looked curiously at him. The boy that called at him, waved at him. It took a moment for Tyler to realize he wanted him to sit down. So, he did. 

 

They asked him a lot of stuff about his personal life, and then talked to each other again. Tyler was glad that he didn't have to answer all the questions anymore, 'cuz it tired him out, and he wasn't really used to talk to anybody at his age, so it made him hella nervous.

|-/

 

When the day was finally over (aka he could go home), Tyler was very relieved. It had made him really stressed out having to actually communicate with other kids. Gosh, he hated school. He just wanted to be alone.

But the other kid that bumped into him apparently didn't share the same thoughts. Tyler flinched, and looked up. There. 

The beautiful brown, warm eyes stared at him. The eyes he couldn't stop thinking about. The perfect, _perfect_ eyes. He could disappear into them, he wanted to look at them forever. It almost made him feel safe, which he hadn't felt in a long time. 

 

"Hey, didn't i see you yesterday?" Oh my, his voice was even more beautiful. And Tyler was sure he would just melt into the floor if he keeped on being so damn perfect. He looked at his hair, to discover it was bright pink. It was beautiful. Tyler was already beginning to use that word way too much  

 

He realized the boy waited for an answer.

 

"Um -- y-yes, i guess?" He stuttered. He could feel the heat spreading on his cheeks. 

 

The boy grinned, "I thought so," oh my god, he sounded so confident, and he sure had a reason to be, "Um, i just wanted to tell you that the boys you sat with today, at lunch," did he watch him eat? "They.. they aren't really that nice, i think you should just stay away from them to be honest." The pink haired boy chuckled. 

 

"Um, i don't really think that's your business, to be honest" Tyler gave himself a mental punch. OH MY GOD WHAT WAS HE SAYING?? The elder boy just looked confused at him, and nodded, letting a small "sure" out. What had Tyler done? He just wanted to punch himself in the face. Why was he being so rude??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it :)
> 
> what do you say, once a week (longer) or shorter chapters but twice (maybe 3 times) a week? hah.


	4. Disappointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IN SO LONG OMG!!
> 
> I just have to get the story to start, like, i hate writing the beginnings..

The rest of the day Tyler wandered around in shame. On his way home he could feel his chest get heavy again, just like always. He regretted it, oh, he _regretted_ it so much his whole body hurt.

Why? You may ask.

You see, Tyler hadn't had any friend(s) in years. And a beautiful boy had just talked to him, and _of course_ he choose to be mean to him, he just _had_ to. Was it like, Tyler's nature to be mean or what?

' _But it’s probably for the best_ ', he thought to himself,

‘ _if it got any further, if you got any closer to him, you would just mess up, just like you always do. Don't worry, it's not your fault, it's just in your nature._ ’

Tyler tried to shake the thoughts away, but he couldn't, especially when he knew it was true. He always messed up, just like he just had did with the pink-haired boy.

 

Tyler let out a loud sigh when he came home, throwing his floral vans away on the floor. He hurried to the kitchen to get some water, his throat dry and tight for some weird reason. “Great, another thing that is wrong with me”, he muttered to himself.

As he stood by the kitchen sink, he suddenly spotted the neon-orange bottle of pills in the cabinet. He sighed, reminded of the times he got them.

Three years ago, before his mother married his, now, 'dad' (yes, stepfather), Tyler wasn't as good at hiding his depression and anxiety as he was now.

His mom, of course, forced him to see a doctor. After he got diagnosed with anxiety AND depression, and the doctor gave him the pills, he pretended it got better. He told his mom he was happy now, and she brought it. But the truth was that it had only gotten worse.

Every single day was a living hell, and he couldn't see any cons of just ending it. Ugh, he wanted to end it so bad. But he knew his mother would be traumatized, and despite how much he hated to admit it, he loved her. Even though she didn't show much love for him when his father was around, even though she never saw through his fake smiles.

 

Suddenly, Tyler was reminded that his father was home by a loud groan from the living room. He sighed almost inaudible, preparing himself for what was coming.

His father's big figure stood in front of him, looking very drunk. He gave Tyler a look that could kill, before he threw the beer in his hand after him, which Tyler dodged.

But he didn't see the next one coming before it hit his chest and he screamed in pain. The glass bottle broke, but only half of it fell to the ground. The rest stayed in Tyler's chest, and the pain was unbearable. His father just scoffed, and walked away.

After silently crying, Tyler miraculously managed to get the glass out of his chest.

_'You deserve pain, you know you do. Don't clean it, just let it be. Let the pain take over, just relax.'_

Not surprisingly, the voices were right. Tyler deserved pain, and he just had to hold it in and stop being silly.

 

Tyler didn't sleep much that night.

 

|-/

 

Josh went home, not feeling anything. Why would he?

Why did he think that boy would be different? How could he ever believe that he actually wanted to listen to him? Why would he even _look_ at him?

Josh sighed out loud and went straight to his room, not even saying hello to his mother.

He quickly sat down at the drum set, and allowed himself to dive into the music his hands made. The rhythm that bubbled in his chest, the warm, familiar feeling of comfort.

Josh drummed for at least one hour, covered in sweat by the time he heard his father call him down for dinner. He didn't really feel like eating anything at the moment, but knew he had to if he didn't want to worry his parents.

He ran down the stairs with a sigh, but smiled as he smelled the familiar scent of Chili Con Carne, his favourite meal. He smiled at his parents and quickly sat down at the already covered table.

 

The dinner was as usual; His parents asking him how his day had been, he asking them the same, laughing at some joke his father told them and so on…

But Josh’s mind was different. Why did the boy’s opinion matter so much? God, he didn't even know his name. But for some reason, it was different this time.

At least, it felt different. The boy seemed.. different. He seemed real, unlike the rest of the kids at school.

But maybe Josh was just desperate for someone, desperate for a friend. Desperate for someone to talk to.

Josh didn't sleep much that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo yeah, hope you liked it.
> 
> have a wonderful day/evening/night


	5. nothing kills a man faster than his own head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah i'm currently very inspired so
> 
> lil' short one

It’d been a few weeks since the ‘incident’, and Tyler's mind had been quiet ever since. Numb. Dead. Nothing.

He had hanged a lot out with the basketball-boys though. They were becoming friends, and he had slowly begun to open up to them.

Not a lot though, just a little.

Until, of course, one day. After gym class one day, something happened in the locker room. Tyler was changing as always, throwing his hoodie off only to take a new one on. He stood in the corner, not wanting anybody to see his bruised arms. But before he managed to do that, one of his ‘friends’ came up to him.

He looked very judging on his arms, and laughed cruelly.

Tyler quickly threw his hoodie on, ready to pretend nothing happened. But that was kinda hard, considering the other boy had already seen it. “What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?”

The boy looked confused, and a bit.. concerned? His face told Tyler that not even the boy himself knew it.

He made a grimace, and walked away. Tyler sighed, relieved. That was, until he could feel someone gripping his hoodie from behind, and throwing him to the floor. He held back a scream, and bit down in his lower lip instead. The boy laughed again as they began kicking Tyler in the stomach and back. The pain was unbearable, especially considering the not-so-healed wound on his chest.

“You really thought we were friends, huh?” A boy laughed. “Ha-ha, nobody wants to be friends with a weirdo like you.” Another boy spat, and they all leaved the locker room laughing.

Tyler sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and silently he began crying. He knew they were right, everything was right. _How_ could he _not_ have expected this to happen? He _knew_ people were like this, he _knew_ they would hurt him. But he was with them anyway. What was wrong with him!?

Suddenly he heard some steps coming near him very slowly. Tyler looked up, and in his surprise he saw the now faded-pink-haired-boy coming closer. Tyler flinched, not knowing what to do. Would he hurt him? Would he laugh at him?

“Just leave me alone.” Tyler spat a little too harsh, and he immediately regretted it. Hadn't he been mean enough by then?

Despite what Tyler just said, the boy silently sat down beside him.

“I'm sorry I'm so mean, I'm such an idi-“ Tyler muttered before being interrupted by the other boy; “No, its okay. I understand, i didn't have any right to say that the other day. I should've-” Tyler was the one interrupting this time. ”What are you talking about? It was nice, and besides, you were right. I am truly really sorry, I'm not good at socializing” Tyler said quietly while looking down at his knees.

The other boy gave him a small smile before dragging Tyler into a warm hug. Tyler couldn't help but smiling to himself. He didn't fuck it up entirely.

”Hey, by the way, I don't think i ever got your name? I'm Josh.” The boy (Josh, apparently) chuckle nervously. ”Oh, yeah, I’m Tyler.” Tyler smiled, just as nervous. ”So, you're new here, right?” Josh asked as he pulled away from the hug. Surprisingly, it wasn't even awkward. The two boys seemed to have a sort of, connection?

Tyler just nodded, his throats dry and tight after crying. His back and chest hurried like hell, and he was fighting a lot of whimpers and tears back. Josh noticed Tyler's very scared and frustrated look on his face, and decided to try and cheer him up. ”So, do you like this shitty school so far?” He asked, and it seemed to work because Tyler instantly chooked in laughter, his voice trembling a bit from crying. Josh grinned at him, happy to see him smile. He had worried so much that Tyler hated him, he had spent the past weeks overthinking their last conversation. But it seemed like a Tyler had did just the same, judging by his reaction when Josh came by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it:)
> 
> stay safe guys
> 
> cuz like i wish someone would tell me that lol
> 
> have a nice day:)


	6. wise men say..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little longer yay

The two boys walked down the hallway, arm in arm. They got a lot of odd looks and stares, but Josh didn't seem bothered. Tyler, on the other hand, did seem a little affected, but not too much. He tried not to, at least.

  
“Soo, wanna hang out later? Like, it's okay if you don't, but I would really love to get to know you.” Josh asked, blushing a little at the last sentence, which Tyler did too. “Yeah, me too.” He smiled back. And the smile was real. Tyler had never heard someone telling him that they ‘would love to get to know’ him. Nobody had ever shown real interest in him, and for some reason, he trusted Josh, maybe a little too much.

  
And Josh was just borderline happy to have had the chance to talk to Tyler. He really thought he had messed, something that wasn't even there, up. All the other kids at the school hated him. No, – they thought he was disgusting. Thinking he was something with his always colorful hair and piercings. Abut Josh had learned to just ignore it, but he missed having a friend.

  
That day went by surprisingly fast, and before the boys even noticed, it was time for them to meet at the library. When Josh arrived, Tyler already stood there. But, he didn't look happy. Actually, he looked the opposite. Why hadn't Josh noticed this before? Or did he even look like that before? Tyler woke him up from his thoughts by nudging him gently on the shoulder. Now he was smiling, and that made Josh smile too.

  
“You okay?” Josh asked him with his brows furrowed. Tyler's smile faded a fraction while he answered, “Yeah, totally, I was gonna ask you the same.” He chuckled, but Josh was kinda doubting the sincere in the answer, but didn't want to push it. They weren't that close. _Yet_.  
Oh my, - **_yet_**? Was he _falling_ for this guy? Josh's mind was racing. Could he even fall for some that fast? Was that even possible?

  
“Dude, you're doing it again,” Tyler chuckled, and this time it sounded real. “Sorry, what?” Josh muttered, which only made Tyler grin from ear-to-ear. It kinda reminded Josh of his mother.

  
“You totally just zoned out for the second time in the past two minutes. You sure you're okay?” Tyler smiled. Josh nodded, a bit too optimistic, but pushed it away. He knew how far his own overthinking could go, and besides, he didn't want to ruin his day with Tyler.   
Josh drove him home in his truck, a bit nervous at the fact Tyler was going to meet his mom.

  
His _dying_ mom.

  
He just continued to stare out of the window, almost forgetting Tyler's presence. But he didn't, though, and he was quickly reminded by the loud squeak Tyler made when he pulled his car up in the driveway.

  
“Holy, do you live here?” Josh nodded, a bit confused, “Dude, I live like, ten houses away!”  
“Sick!” Josh said, followed by Tyler, “So sick!”

  
They both laughed together while approaching the front door. Josh found his keys and quickly unlocked the door. Once they were inside, Josh yelled a loud “Hello!” and Tyler couldn't hold back his wince. Tyler didn't really say that when he came home, so he kinda forgot that other people, - _normal people_ , did that.

  
Josh ran in to his mother and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. “Mom, this is Tyler,” He said before gesturing his arms out to point at a Tyler that wasn't there. Suddenly, his mind told him that all this was just a dream, just his imagination. But then he spotted Tyler standing nervously in the hallway. Josh furrowed his brows in confusion, not understanding why Tyler didn't come with him.

  
“Tyler, don't be silly, come one in!” He yelled, and Tyler slowly approached. Only there did he notice how nervous Tyler really looked. His face was pale, and he was itching his arm drastically. Once he stood beside him, Josh grabbed his shoulders and showed him off to his mother who smiled gently.

  
“Um, hi.” Tyler said, not sounding very confident. Josh got more and more worried. What was wrong with him?

  
Josh didn't know why the boys was mean to Tyler. Fortunately, because Tyler really didn't want him to know about his cutting. So it was pretty understandable that Josh couldn't understand why Tyler was upset.

 

|-/

 

“So, let me get this right. You're telling me that you wrote a Taco Bell Saga?? Dude, that is sick!” Josh laughed, “Yeah, I wrote it like a year ago, man that was a really good song.” They both died of laughter. “So, do you write other songs? Like, maybe a bit more serious?”

Silence.

  
“Umm, yeah, I do but I don't really show other people. They're kind of – personal” Tyler muttered while looking down at his oh-so-interesting hands.

  
“I totally get you, I play the drums too,” Josh started, which immediately caught Tyler's attention. He played the drums? That was like, so hot. Oh my god, _is he_ _crushing_?  
“And i've never shown anyone, like, ever” He snorted. Tyler nodded, fully understanding what Josh meant.

  
“So why did you start writing songs?” Josh asked carefully, not knowing whether it was appropriate to ask him something so personal.

  
“It's just like, I feel like I can escape in music. I can write exactly what I feel, without anyone judging me. I can just let it all out, let it sink down in the paper, and it works kinda therapeutic for me. It really helps me get my mind off.. -certain things” Tyler chose to keep the part of his family to himself. He didn't want to look weak in front of Josh.

  
Josh didn't answer, and went silence for a couple of minutes. He knew exactly what Tyler meant. Music helped him through his anxiety, and he wanted to tell Tyler. But it felt wrong, wrong to make this about him.

  
After a couple of more minutes of silence, Josh finally asked, “Want to play Mario Kart?” Tyler grinned big at this, and Josh smiled right back. “You sure you want to challenge a master like me?” He asked, and Josh snorted, “Don't you think you are being a bit over-confident there, huh?” He asked, but oh boy was he wrong.

  
Tyler won every single round, while Josh was a place or two behind him. They laughed their asses off, and neither of the boys remembered ever having so much fun.

  
“Okay, maybe you are the master here.” Josh muttered defeated and Tyler giggled at him as he started another round. They played for hours, having the time of their lifes.

  
Josh couldn't help the butterflies he got in his stomach every time Tyler looked at him, especially when their eyes met. Tyler couldn't help but blush at the same. Something was happening between our two little beans.

  
Suddenly, it was past nine, and the two boys were were surprised at how quickly the time had went by. Not that they didn't enjoy it, they loved each other's company.

  
“Dude, I'm like, starving,” Josh said as his stomach made funny noises which Tyler snorted at. “Wanna hit Taco Bell?” He asked, and Tyler nodded enthusiastically.

 

|-/

 

“What do you want?” Josh asked while glancing at the menu in front of them. It was their turn to order soon. Tyler sighed quietly while he thought about. He lit up when he remembered that he know could choose a meat-free item, something he couldn't do when his father was around.

  
‘ _My son eats meat like a man! You are a man, right?_ ’

  
Tyler's stomach twisted in the thought of his father. And now he was coming home late, something he knew his father wouldn't be very happy about.

  
“Ty?” Josh asked, probably not the first time. Tyler blushed a bit at the nickname, and looked up. His eyes met Josh's, and he blushed even harder. “Um, sorry, I just.. Don't wanna talk about it,” He looked out of the car window to discover it was their turn, and quickly mumbled his order to Josh, who still had concern written all over his face. But he didn't say anything.

 


	7. only fools rush in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i'm so sorry i'm so bad at writing and this is out way later than expected i'm horrible okay

Josh couldn't help staring at Tyler as they sat in his truck eating their tacos. Tyler looked gorgeous, but he seemed so insecure. Josh couldn't understand it. Why would he be? He seemed amazing, so sweet, so..-

  
“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Tyler giggled, awakening Josh from his thoughts. “Um, nothing. Is your taco good?” Tyler nodded enthusiastically which made Josh grin big. Tyler grinned back, with his mouth full of beans. “Ew dude, close your mouth!” Josh snorted. They both laughed.

  
|-/

  
“Um.. – Josh?” Tyler asked carefully as they were back in Josh's truck. Josh nodded, and Tyler continued, “I know it may seem a bit weird but, can I like, sleep over?” He looked Josh straight in the eyes. “I mean, it's just, my dad, he-“ “Of course you can!” Josh smiled, and Tyler smiler back even bigger. Josh drove them home while they talked abort nothing and everything.

  
“So, you seriously think there's been Aliens here? Like, multiple times?” Tyler asked, curious. Josh was surprised not to hear any bitterness or sacarsm in his voice. “Yeah! Like, I find it hard to believe that we're the only one here, ya know? And why wouldn't they? Come around to see how weird we humans are.” He winked at him. Tyler laughed, amused.

  
After they came inside Josh's room, Josh went downstairs to say goodnight to his mother. Meanwhile, Tyler looked around in his room, scanning, hoping to get to know more about this amazing Josh he'd hung out with all day.   
Posters were covering the wall, bands he didn't know, aliens, a few drawings and paintings. Tyler wondered if it was Josh's own, - they were absolutely beautiful.

  
“Like it?” Tyler turned around to see a smiling Josh approach him. “My mom used to hate it so much, but I think she has accepteded it by know.” Tyler smiled back and nodded.

  
“Do you wanna borrow a T-shirt or something to sleep in?” Josh could've sworn he saw Tyler flinch right when he asked, but he didn't mention it. “Um, I- no thanks.” He pulled up a smile, and Josh seemed to buy it. But he didn't.

 

“Tyler, is there something wrong? Is anything happening at home or something?” Josh asked, eyes full with concern. Tyler mentally punched himself for worrying him and shud it off, “My dad.. w-we don't really get.. along..I guess.. I don't really want to talk about it.” He bit his lip. “Okay, I won't push it, but I'm here, okay?” Tyler nodded with a small smile. Tyler knew he was talking sincere, and even after only one day of actually knowing him, he trusted him. A lot. He seemed so.. real.   
“Thanks Josh.. You’re really… nice.” Tyler smiled at Josh, who now sat on his bed, preparing for Tyler to join him. “You too, Ty.” Tyler grinned at the nickname and sat down at the bed. He quickly removed his pants and crawled under the covers. Josh smiled to himself, turned off the lights and mirrored Tyler's movements.

  
Suddenly Tyler felt a rush of bravement bubble through him. Then he turned over to Josh, placed his hand on Josh's cheek, and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. He had wanted to do that all day.   
Josh opened his eyes, schocked, but quickly closed them again to kiss Tyler harder. Suddenly he felt a hand under his shirt, and Josh accidentally flinched a bit by the touch. Big mistake.

  
Tyler quickly pulled away. “Um, I’m so sorry, I shouldn't have done that.”  
“What are you talking about, Ty?”  
“Nothing. Can we just.. forget about it?” Before Josh could say anything, Tyler turned and quickly muttered a “goodnight”.   
Josh was confused. Did he mean it? Was there actually feelings from Tyler's side? There certainly was feelings from Josh's, and he placed a finger on his lips, not sure whether what just happened was real or not.

  
Did Tyler even _like_ him? Did he just kiss Josh to _test it out_? He sighed, loud enough for Tyler to hear. None of them slept much that night.

  
But they did get a bit though, because suddenly Tyler woke up feeling dizzy. He checked the clock on Josh's bedside table. 5:37 am. He sighed and glared at Josh. Beautiful, amazing Josh. He smiled a little, but it faded quickly after remembering what happened the evening before. Why did he do that? Did he just have to mess it up?  
 _ **I told you sooo**_. A familiar voice sang inside him. Tyler shook his head, _not now!_

  
“Tyler? You okay?” An almost fully awake Josh grunted. Tyler replied with a small “yes.”   
“I have to go home. My parents are.. not happy.”  
“Do you want to talk about yesterday?” Josh asked carefully.   
**“What yesterday? Nothing happened.”** Josh could've sworn he saw red in Tyler's eyes, but figured it was just from the lack of sleep combined with the lightning.   
“Tyler. You kissed me.”  
“ **No I didn't. You must've dreamt it.”** The red in Tyler's eyes became darker. Josh nodded shakily.   
“Let me at least walk you home, Ty.”

The silence was very awkward. None of them dared to speak.   
When they approached the house and Tyler ran into his house, Josh almost missed the sound of an very angry father approach. “Where the fuck have you been, young man!?”  
Josh figured that Tyler's father was probably just worried for Tyler not coming home the evening before.

 

* * *

 

The following weeks were actually okay. They didn't talk about that evenings events, but the awkward-face was quickly over. Their friendship grew more and more, day by day.

  
But one day Tyler showed up at school looking, to say it mild, not very good. Big bags covered the skin under his eyes. He also had a big scar on his cheek. Not even the sight of Josh made him smile, which it usually did. A very concerned Josh greeted him with a warm hug. Then he took his hand and got him to the bathrooms.

  
“Tyler? Are you okay!?”  
Tyler just hummed as a response. That wasn't enough for Josh.   
“Okay Ty. You need to tell me what is happening here.”  
“It's nothing, really. I just fell down from a tree.” **_Gosh, can you do anything but lie?_**  
“Does falling from a tree make you look that depressed!?”   
Tyler quickly looked up, red flickering in his eyes. Josh ignored it.   
“What?”  
“Tyler, you just need to tell me what's going on! I'm worried sick about you!”  
“I don't ‘ _need_ ’ to tell you, Josh. It's my life, not yours. Stop worrying about me! **Geez.** ”  
“’Stop worrying’!? Are you kidding me, Tyler? You’re important to me Ty, of course I worry!”  
Tyler froze. Josh cared? There he was, thinking he was just another distraction from school or whatever. Tyler cared a lot about Josh of course, but he didn't think it was returned. Especially after ‘the night’.   
Tyler ran. He bursted out of the bathroom, ran through the hallways and all the way home. Josh followed.

”Just why are you not in class?”  
His father‘s hand slapped him. Hard. Blood was running down his cheeks and made it‘s way to his hoodie. Tyler closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were ruby colored.

  
“Tyler Joseph, you can't keep pulling that trick up again and again. I do not want to play your little ‘I have a split personality’ game. Now, go to your fucking room and stay there!”  
“ **It’s not a game, ‘dad’. I do whatever I fucking want to.** ” With that said, Blurryface turned on his heels and wandered out through the door. Then, he heard Tyler's dad come out to join him, and he quickly muttered to Tyler that he simply didn't want to deal with his 'fucking annoying father'.  Suddenly Tyler's eyes were warm brown again.

  
First then did Tyler notice Josh standing frozen at the road. But he didn't really manage to react before his father’s fist connected with his jaw. “I will fucking kill you!” He yelled, and began to tuck in Tyler's shirt to get him inside.   
“I advise you to let your son go before I call the fucking police.” Josh's voice was very dominant, and it shocked Tyler. It was also the first time he heard Josh swear.

  
It seemed to work, and before Tyler knew it, the door slammed behind him. He looked nervously at Josh before he was pulled into a tight hug.

  
“Fuck Ty. Shit shit shit I am so sorry, oh my god.”  
“S’okay.” Tyler muttered quietly. Josh pulled away from the hug quickly. “What!? No Ty, it's not fucking okay. I should've known, you told me he was mean, oh my god Ty!!” First then did Tyler notice the tears in Josh's eyes that were threatening to spill. Why does he care so much?

  
Josh took Tyler home with him that day. He told him he could stay as long as he needed.   
Tyler was extremely grateful, and he felt extremely guilty for being such a burden to Josh. He still didn't understand why he cared. He still didn't understand why he hadn't left him yet. Tyler was awful in his own eyes; annoying, needy and childish. How couldn't Josh notice that?

  
Josh felt the exact same way, only that he thought he was an idiot and he didn't deserve a friend like Tyler. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah this was kind of an filler hope you liked it better than i do


	8. but i..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short and bad so sorry i've just ben really bad this week okay hope you can forgive me

Tyler woke up, very confused to be in a bed that wasn't his. I was first when he heard Josh's steady breathing he calmed down. Josh.

The memories from the day before came back to him. His father hitting him. **_Blurryface_**.

 _Oh_.

I probably haven't explained who Blurryface was.

Basically, Blurryface was Tyler's insecurities. He was the one who always made sure Tyler was miserable. He brought Tyler down all the time, constantly reminded him of how stupid he was.

But sometimes he would help Tyler, protect him. So, Blurry made Tyler sad, depressed and anxious, but he also made sure nobody else did.

So yeah, hella confusing.

Anyways - back to the story.

Tyler laid down in the bed, staring at Josh. Not in the wired, creepy way.

**_It is fucking creepy Tyler._ **

_No it isn't._

**_It is._ **

Tyler sighed, causing Josh to slowly open his eyes. “You're staring at me.” He said, giving him a sly smile. Tyler could feel the heat spreading on his cheeks as he looked away with a big smile spreading across his face. “Sorry.” Tyler mumbled shyly.   
“No it's okay, I like it.”  
Tyler's cheeks got even redder.

“I should probably go, I've already stayed for way too long.”   
“No! You should stay.”  
“Nah, it's okay. I'm probably just annoying you, you should have some ti-”  
“Tyler! Please don't say that, okay? You don't annoy me, never ever! You're frickin’ ama-”

Tyler interrupted Josh by kissing him softly but still dominantly on the lips. Josh melted into the kiss right away, wanting more. He was just about to put his hands in Tyler's hair as Tyler pulled away. Josh looked at him questionably.

“Sorry, I’m just..-” Tyler looked down at his hands.   
“Don't apologize, Ty.” Josh said calmly just before he pressed another kiss onto Tyler's lips.

This time he didn't hesitate to put his hands in Tyler's hair. He soon felt Tyler's arms around his neck, and he quickly grabbed his hips and pulled him even closer.   
Tyler let out a small moan at the touch, and quickly pressed his hips down to Josh's. Josh opened his mouth slightly to ask permission, and Tyler opened his own mouth right away as an yes. Josh smoothly slided his tounge into Tyler's, and they worked perfectly with each other. They continued like this for a couple of minutes, never wanting to break away from one another.

  
But the soft knock on the door left them no choice. Josh quickly pulled away, grinning hugely at Tyler who blushed harder than ever. ”Comiing.” Josh sang as he jumped to the door with a big smile. He was a bit surprised to see his mother standing there, even though she was the only one home. ”Mama! You shouldn't go by yourself, you know that!”   
”Sorry Josh, i just didn't want to bother you two.” She smiled, and Tyler giggled shyly. ”Thanks, but what is it?” Josh asked with concern in his eyes.

  
”Would you mind going out and buy some groceries? Our fridge is kinda empty.”  
”Of course! Sorry i forgot.”

  
She nodded and let out a small ’thanks’ before going again.   
Josh went back to Tyler who still smiled wider than the pacific ocean. ”You want to come with me?” Josh asked while tugging slightly on his sleeves. Tyler nodded enthusiastically. Josh smiled and grabbed his hand before pulling him up. He looked deeply in his eyes and pressed af passionate kiss to his lips. Tyler smiled so big it hurt, how did he find someone like this?

  
_**He is gonna leave sooner or later, you know that.** _

  
_Stop ruining my mood._

  
_**It's my job, Tyler.** _

  
Tyler sighed which only left concern and confusion in Josh. ”Tyler, are you okay?”  
The said boy sighed again before quickly looking away. He wanted to tell Josh about Blurry, but he just couldn't. Josh would think he was crazy. Which you also are.

  
”I-it’s just.. I-I…” Tyler could feel tears swell up in his eyes. God, you're so fucking pathetic.   
Josh was quick to put a supporting hand on Tyler's shoulder. ”Ty, it's okay. You don't have to tell ,e if you don't want to, okay?” Josh said, but he couldn't stop wondering if he did anything wrong. Did they move too fast? Did Tyler even mean the kiss?   
But he must have. The smile on his face was so big, and the glow in his eyes seemed pretty real.

  
”How can you be so perfect?” Tyler almost whispered, leaving a huge grin on Josh's face.   
”Am not.” Josh said, pointing a finger at Tyler, but he couldn't hold back the blush creeping across his face. ”In fact, you're the-”   
Josh was quickly interrupted by a soft kiss on his lips. Oh god, Josh could never get tired of Tyler doing that. After said boy pulled away, he laid his forehead on the older boy’s.   
”You're amazing, Ty.”  
”Just like you Josh.”

 

 


	9. author's note

hi guys. long time no see.

i just read this story through, and i think i want to continue it. i like to tell myself my writing and english has improved, so that's why i won't edit my past chapters, in the hope of you guys being able to tell a difference. stay safe you guys<3


	10. can't help

At the grocery store, as Tyler and Josh were browsing the isles, Josh suddenly felt a hand in his. Warmth spread all over his body. He grinned at Tyler who blushed back. Everything was just so perfect.  


Josh’s mattress flew up when both of the boys flopped into bed. They laughed loudly, happiness filling both of their bodies.

“Hey Tyler?” Tyler looked at Josh as a yes. “I was thinking, you know, prom? Would you want to go with me?”  
“But-“

“-But I know that you hate this school, and so do I, but maybe we can make it an good experience for us both and just ignore the others?”  
Tyler thought about it for some time, but he agreed at last. As long as they didn’t drink alchohol, he said, in which Josh agreed. “No alchohol, I promise.”

A bit later that day, the boys decided to cook dinner together.

“Chili _sin_ carne it is” Joshua declared, with a grinning Tyler behind him. “The same recipe, just without the  meat!”

Tyler did not know how to cook, because he rarely ate anything (even though he was significantly improving with Josh by his side), so Josh helped him set up some water to boil for the rice, whilst he was preparing the chili. Tyler sat on the countertop, admiring Josh. The boy who was saving his life.

The chili was indeed amazing, the small boy declared after having a spoon of it to taste. Josh grinned, saying how it used to be his favorite. What was his favorite now? Taco Bell, he said, which made them both laugh. But suddenly, they both stopped at the same moment, almost as if it was planned. Josh threw the spoon into the sink, while he was looking at Tyler as if he was a God. He walked to him, stood in between his legs, and gave Tyler the most passionate kiss he had ever received. Tyler intertwined his legs around Josh’s waist, which Josh responed to by lifting him up. Tyler gave a small squeak, followed by him putting his arms around Josh’s neck.

Their tunges quickly met for a passionate dance. It felt like they had both been waiting for each other their whole lives, which were now complete. They kissed until they couldn’t breathe anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's short:) hope you guys are doing good

**Author's Note:**

> a yeah please leave some feedback if you have the time, it means everything. and critic is always taken openly, i always want to improve my writing, so yeah, it's appreciated. and also if you like it, feel free to leave a kudo:)


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